you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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