if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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