The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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