she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
