What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
