I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
