The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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