sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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