Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would ride that face into the sunset
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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