I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
