You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
