I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
