i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She needs sedatives and a leash
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
