people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I supernannyed him into submission
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
