He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
