he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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