Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
