He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
