and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
