I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
