Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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