$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
