Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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