i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
