on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
