I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
