I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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