Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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