Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
