we're blogging at a bar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
