Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
