never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
