I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
