that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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