I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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