Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
