hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
