One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
