we have officially lost it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
