I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
