My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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