When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
