I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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