A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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