The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
