i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
why does every cop we meet know your name?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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