Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Buhtt sex?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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