sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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