I just cut my nipple shaving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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