You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
