if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
