honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
