Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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