Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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