he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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