i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
