I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
