it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
