stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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