I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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