just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
