Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
