I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
