it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
