FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
